An Open Letter To Mexican President Felipe Calderon: Undocumented Boomers Headed to Mexico!

Satire item by John W. Lillpop - Jun 12, 2011

Dear President Calderon:

As you are no doubt aware, America the Great is quickly becoming America the Gray. The so-called “boomer” generation, comprised of scores of million of Americans, will soon reach retirement age. 

As they age, America’s boomers yearn for a less frantic pace—-and a lifestyle that allows one to pause and smell the roses now and again.

In other words, boomers are looking for the “Good Life” which is supposed to accrue to those who work 45 years, pay ungodly amounts in taxes, raise a family, put children through college, and baby-sit the grandchildren.

Unfortunately, the United States is no longer as hospitable as it once was to graying citizens, especially now that our economy has collapsed.

As a result, boomers have decided to move to your beloved Mexico.

Knowing that the Mexican government is a strong supporter of open borders and liberal immigration policies, as least with respect to migrations from Mexico to America, boomers anticipate that their needs and wishes will be fully accommodated with minimal interference and bureaucratic hassle.

In plain English, boomers expect to be treated like upscale Mexican citizens, with all the perks and advantages attendant thereto.

Incidentally, we prefer to be called “undocumented boomers.”

President Calderon, I am delighted to announce that just in time for summer millions of undocumented American boomers are headed to Mexico!

Viva America!

Current plans call for about 500,000 boomers to cross the border into Mexico each month.

As with any complex transition, there are several “ground rules” that must be followed in order to make this change seamless.

Accordingly, your attention is directed to the following:

• Mexican sovereignty, borders, and immigration laws are essentially null and void with respect to undocumented boomers. No attempt should be made to enforce said restrictions on good hearted, formerly hard working Americans.
• Undocumented boomers shall receive unlimited education, food, housing, legal assistance, and geriatric care on demand, the cost of which shall be borne solely by Mexican taxpayers.
• Mexican hospitals, medical clinics, and emergency rooms shall be obligated to meet the medical needs of all undocumented boomers, without regard to ability to pay.
• This obligation shall not be limited or restricted in any way because of any real or projected negative impact on Mexico’s medical systems, including the loss of vital services to Mexican citizens.
• Although undocumented boomers shall not be obligated to pay for medical services received, they shall be entitled to send $30-50 billion a year back to the United States with impunity. The Mexican government shall actively facilitate the transfer of such funds to America.
• English is the only language used by undocumented boomers; boomers have no desire or obligation to learn Spanish.
• America’s historic free speech, free love, and anti-war revolutions originated with activists in the boomer generation.

In keeping with the boomer tradition of aggressive activism, from time to time it may be necessary for millions of boomers to take over the streets of Mexico’s large cities in order to protest proposed new laws when the “rights” of undocumented boomers are in jeopardy.

During such protests, boomers will wave Old Glory and scream “Yes, we can!” and “We are Mexico!” in English, as they protest the rule of law.

All such activities are valid free speech expressions in a thriving Democracy. As a consequence, the Mexican government shall take no action to limit or impede protests by undocumented boomers.

• We Americans celebrate the 4th of July to commemorate our independence from Great Britain. Undocumented boomers prefer to conduct business as normal on May 5 and September 16, and to reserve the 4th of July for fireworks, BBQs, and displaying Red, White, and Blue everywhere.
• Undocumented boomers shall be licensed to drive without regard to immigration status. All driver instruction and testing materials shall be in English.
• Blood relatives of undocumented boomers shall be eligible for the same reduced tuition rates offered to Mexican students in the nation legally. Immersion for the purpose of teaching Spanish is a failed concept and shall not even be attempted.
• Undocumented boomers shall be eligible to vote in Mexican elections without any requirement to prove identity.
• Grandchildren of undocumented boomers born in Mexico shall be Mexican citizens by virtue of their birth, regardless of the immigration status of their parents and grand parents, and
• Undocumented boomers are very sensitive and are easily offended. Therefore, Mexicans shall refrain from using terms like “illegal alien,” “Red Neck,” “Cracker,“or “Gringo” when addressing or discussing boomers.

In closing, Mr. President, let me assure you that undocumented boomers will attempt to do for Mexico what 38 million Mexican illegal aliens are currently doing to America!

With best regards and wishes for a diverse and free Mexico! 

John W. Lillpop is a Capitol Hill Coffee House staff writer.

CNN: Blitzer Tried His Best to Hide Mexico's Calderon Hypocrisy

Chris Cox Calls for Expedited Hearings into BATFE Investigative Tactics

Policeman possibly linked to Falcon Lake case beheaded

I think its time to take the gloves off when it comes to Mexico. If Mexico can't or won't stop its citizens from invading the U.S. and is unable to investigate criminal acts by the cartels it’s time to quit the diplomacy and start playing hardball.

I say we drop the 101st Airborne into Mexico and send the 1st Cav, which by the way is stationed at Fort Hood in Texas across the border to secure a demilitarized zone. We currently have 24,000 American soldiers and airmen in Korea that have successfully prevented the North Koreans from crossing the Korean demilitarized zone since 1953.

Obama recently agreed to send a pitiful contingent of only 1,200 National Guardsmen to cover the 1969-mile border shared by Mexico and the U.S. In comparison the border between the Koreas is only 160 miles long, which means that there are 155 Americans per mile that willing to die each any every day to protect South Korea from an invasion from the North but only 1 American solider for every 1.5 miles willing to defend America from these Mexican terrorists.

If you don’t like the idea of invading Mexico then we simply buy a 3-mile strip of land between Mexico and the U.S. and turn it into a Demilitarized Zone. The Korean zone is only 2.5 miles wide and it seems to have prevented unwanted travel from the North to the South for 57 years.

So you may be asking yourself how can the U.S. afford this very expensive endeavour? Simple. Its time for the South Koreans and the Germans to stand on their own two feet. Its been 57 years since the end of hostilities in Korea and over 20 years since the fall of the Berlin Wall. However, we still have over 80,000 Americans deployed to defend these two countries from invasions by foreign nations.

Now I'm not suggesting cutting military spending or reducing the amount of troops currently in the military but rather lets have these brave men and women serve their tours here in the United States. First and foremost this would begin to actually secure our borders. Second this would be a tremendous boost to the American economy. These soldiers would be spending their hard earned dollars here in America rather than in Korea and Germany.

80,000 American soldiers would mean 40 soldiers per mile of the Mexican border and to me that sounds like a small price to pay to protect our citizens from these terrorists.

Policeman possibly linked to Falcon Lake case beheaded

The head of a Mexican police commander presumed to be investigating the reported pirate attack against David Michael Hartley on Falcon Lake was delivered to Mexican military, sources said Tuesday.

State Rep. Aaron Pena, D-Edinburg, said he was told that Rolando Flores’ head was delivered Tuesday in a suitcase.

Ruben Rios, spokesman for the Tamaulipas state prosecutor’s office, told the Associated Press that Flores is the head of state investigators in the border city of Ciudad Miguel Alemán, a small city directly across the border from Roma, Texas.

Lesley Lopez, a spokeswoman for U.S. Rep. Henry Cuellar, D-Laredo, said the head was delivered in the vicinity of Miguel Alemán.

The area is known to be under control of the Zeta drug cartel, which fiercely protects the remotely populated ranchland lining the Texas-Mexico border, as well as the Mexican side of the vast Falcon Lake reservoir.

Rios also told the Associated Press that the killing was unrelated to Hartley’s investigation.

Hartley has been missing since Sept. 30, when he and his wife took their personal watercraft into Mexican waters to photograph a partially submerged town.

Investigators have been hampered on this side by an inability to cross the border. Mexican investigators have meanwhile expressed fears of searching in Zeta turf.

American Guns Are Not To Blame For Mexican Drug Violence